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Źródło: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20241024-what-to-do-when-a-friendship-ends

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Downgraded or dissolved: What to do when you break-up with your friends

Downgraded or dissolved: What to do when you break-up with your friends

Friendships are a core part of who we areistotna część tego, kim jesteśmy – so what happens to us when they end?

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In the spring of 2019, I had my first friendship breakuprozpad przyjaźni. It ended with a bitter argumentgorzka kłótnia, tears, frustration, and we haven't spoken sincerozmawialiśmy od tamtej pory. For a long time I grievedopłakiwałem the loss of that friendship, of her being in my life. Even now, over five years later, I occasionally find myself dreaming about her and often wonder if we will ever re-connect. However, I have also made peacepogodziłem się with the ambiguityniejasność – it was a great friendship for the time it lasted.

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Coincidentallyprzypadkowo, my first romantic relationship came to an end just five months later. I found it much easier to speak about – years of music, films and books on heartbreak had prepared me well. Since then, I've found that the dissolutionrozpad of a friendship is less commonly discussed than the end of a romantic relationship.

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Because friendship breakupszerwania przyjaźni are generally less talked aboutomawiane, people may feel unsure about how to handle them or the powerful emotions that come with them, Vieth suggests. "There's a very clear societalspołeczny script for how to break up with a romantic partnerpartner romantyczny," she says. "But there are no normativenormatywne scripts on how to go aboutzabrać się za ending a friendship."

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As children, our primary source of supportgłówne źródło wsparcia comes frompochodzi z our parents. But as we get olderstarzeć się, especially as we enter adolescencedojrzewanie, we start to spend significantly more time with peers, placing a higher priority on social acceptance and social standingakceptacja społeczna i pozycja społeczna, says Kaitlin Flannery, an associate professor in psychology at State University of New York College, Cortland. "There's a different bond that we have with friends, they help us shape our identitytożsamość throughout our life. We use our friends as sort of a mirror and a guiderodzaj lustra i przewodnika."

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Vieth points out that in its initial stagesw początkowych etapach, friendship is built on similarity and proximitybliskość.

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"We're social creaturesistoty społeczne. We want acceptance," says Flannery. "We want validationuznanie from not only our family, but our same-age peers. And so that's where friendships start to really become these essential sources of social supportistotne źródła wsparcia społecznego, but also fun and companionshiptowarzystwo."

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"I think it's important to recognise that friendship dissolutionsrozwiązania are part of life and are very natural," says Vieth. "It's not about the number of friends you have – it's about the closeness and the responsivenessreaktywność of those friends."

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Gender also influenceswpływa what we expect from our friendships – and why they may end.

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So, should you hold on totrzymać się old friends, trusting that you'll eventuallyostatecznie become close again?

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Consciouslyświadomie ending a friendshipzakończenie przyjaźni can however create another tricky challenge: how to let go ofodpuścić a friend, without hurting them.

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Vieth suggests another and perhaps better path forwarddroga naprzód: learning about what it takes to maintain and improve a friendship – and how to deal withradzić sobie z conflict and confrontationkonfrontacja.

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"I think that a lot of people have a mindsetnastawienie that they're willing to work throughprzepracować conflict in romantic relationshipszwiązki romantyczne, because that's something that we all acknowledge is inevitablenieunikniony," she says.

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But when it comes tojeśli chodzi o friendship, we may just expect things to work outrozwiązać się naturally, and give uppoddać się if they don't: "I know a lot of people look at [their] friends, and they think these are the relationships that should be easy and bring a lot of joy, fun and laughter into my life," she says. "And that's certainly true, but maybe leads to the idea that sometimes conflict isn't worthwhilewart zachodu [working through]."

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That means that for a big part of our lifeduża część naszego życia, friends may provide the stabilitystabilność and support that was previouslywcześniej provided by marriage.

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In romantic relationships, it's not uncommon for couples to break uprozstać się, and then later, after some reflectionpo pewnym namyśle, get back togetherwrócić do siebie. Is that something we should consider with our ex-friends, too – a reconciliationpojednanie, and second try? Again, it depends on the nature of the friendship, says Flannery.

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"I think that there are going to be different situations when that friendship heals versus other times, when maybe it’s better to just let that dissolutionrozpad take placemieć miejsce," says Flannery. "And again, it may depend on: do you feel relieved that the friendship is over? Was that friendship adding positive benefitspozytywne korzyści to your life? If you still feel like you really miss them, maybe it is worth repairing."

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